A woman took her young son with her into the shower for the first time. Naturally, he wanted to know why she didn't have a dick, and  what the fuzzy thing she had instead was. "Oh, that's my sponge." she replied with embarrassment. To save her from any more red faces, she made sure he only saw her when she was wearing panties. "Mummy, where's your sponge?" the kid asked one day. "Oh, I've lost it." she lied. A few months later she was washing up when the nipper came running in, all excited. "Mummy, Mummy, I've found your sponge. You know the sponge
you lost." The kid squealed. "The lady next door is wiping Daddy's face with it!"

"My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. Some distance further down the track
Little Red Riding Hood again encounters the Big Bad Wolf, this time crouched behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams... "Will you fuck off, I'm
trying to take a shit !"

Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can blow smoke through his nose!"
boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" counted the second boy.
"That's nothing," piped up the third. "My dad
can blow smoke through his arse. I know, 'cos I've  seen the nicotine stains on his undies."

Pilot to tower... pilot to tower... I am 300 miles from land...
600 feet above water... and running out of fuel... please instruct!
Tower to pilot... tower to pilot... repeat after me: "Our Father,
who art in heaven..."